Winter Blahs, Cabin Fever, And The Munchies

Dear Wintertime,

We are so over you. You, with your cold weather and your shitty driving conditions, and your dreary, dark, short days.... Sure, the first real snowfall of the year is pretty, but after that, you suck. We don't get to run or bike outside with the warm sun on our faces (and if we do run outside, we risk frostbite, chapped faces, and broken ankles). You force us to sit inside with food and cupboards filled with cookbooks and baking supplies, desires for comfort foods, and cabin fever. Going to the gym and running on treadmills like hamsters and riding spin bikes in classes next to grunting, sweaty guys isn't the same as a run outside on a 75 degree day. Don't tell us we should go outside to enjoy winter sports. If you've met either of us, you know we aren't coordinated to even stay upright on cross country skis, let alone risk death by skiing down a hill. The only outdoor exercise we do is shoveling, and that is NOT fun. No, even Major League Baseball players rupture their spleens shoveling that diarrhea you call snow.

No, Winter, we don't like you. You flip some sort of switch in our heads, telling us that we want to eat everything in sight, because we might have to hibernate and live off of our fat reserves for another 6 months. In the past week alone, I've baked a cake ("for my kids" with homemade frosting that was "tested repeatedly for quality"), cookies ("for my friend".. Never mind the dough I accidentally ate), pancakes, waffles, and not to mention comfort food dinners like tater tot hot dish. I've been buying snacks like the Unreal Candy and popcorn to munch on, because my favorite fruits aren't very good during this time of year.

Winter, you're lucky we have unlimited texting, because we constantly text each other with our perceived weight watching failures, since we can't stop munching on crap food because you are depressing us. If we could send you a bill for our cell phones and for therapy & anti-depressants, we would.

And the cruelest thing you do to us? After you're done with us, we feel a little chunkier. When your much nicer sisters Spring and Summer arrive, we feel too flabby to wear season appropriate clothing and we roast hiding our extra L-B's under long sleeves and pants because your bitch ass force fed us for months.

So, you evil bastard, we ask that you leave us and our weight watching efforts alone. Make way for our favorite fruits an veggies to grow and taste good and not be all smooshy and gross. Let us get back on our bikes and let us walk our kids to the park without bundling them up in 48 layers. Let us get back to craving fresh crunchy salads and not calorie laden casseroles. You're no longer welcome here.

Respectfully yours,

BH & BH